


lustre

by parfum



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, featuring insecure chanyeol, idk why i wrote this, its stupid and dramatic but idc, side sekai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 04:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12101061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parfum/pseuds/parfum
Summary: twitter





	lustre

_chanyeol_

They are an odd match, Baekhyun and him. There are times they can’t stand each other’s presence but others when there’s no one else they’d rather be with.

When they fight, Chanyeol is the first one to break and rush to Baekhyun with a box of chocolates or something equally cheesy. He’d do anything for him. Anything.

And that scares him.

 

*

 

It was May but the sky was grey with thunderstorms. It had been raining a lot the previous few days and there was a harsh breeze blowing outside too.

The dorm room was equally freezing and all Chanyeol craved for was a warm mug of coffee and a blanket. He could’ve gone to rest but he was expecting a phone call from one of his closest friends, Do Kyungsoo, who, thankfully, didn’t disappoint and rang at the right moment.

‘Hello, Chanyeollie-hyung!’

‘Kyungsoo, did you call Jongin yet?’ Chanyeol said on the other end of the line, too drained to respond to the nickname.

‘Of _course_ I did. He and Sehun will be heading over at yours in about two hours. Are you done with the main preparations?’

‘Yeah, I’ve got the living room decked up in um, streamers and those glittery things Yixing-hyung bought-’

‘Alright, alright.  Minseok-hyung and Jongdae-hyung have got the cake, they’ll be there the same time as I’ll be.’

‘Okay. Are Junmyeon-hyung and the rest doing alright so far?’ Chanyeol inquired.

‘Yep, I think. Last I checked, they were in one of those antique shops the other side of the city doing I-don’t-really-know-what. They’ve kept Baekhyun-hyung busy, though. He must be going nuts, really.’

‘Yeah. Well, I just hope they do their thing for around four more hours till twelve.’ he says, looking up at the digital clock hung on the opposite wall.

‘I hope so too. Well, I’m hanging up now. See you in two!’ Kyungsoo said and hanged up after hearing Chanyeol’s goodbye.

Chanyeol adjusted one of the silver decorations above the couch that had become undone and took a final look at the room; it wasn’t perfect but it was really _him_ and he had a feeling Baekhyun would find this much better than hiring a professional party decorator for his twenty-second birthday.

 

Just waiting for the others now. He decided to take a short nap before all of their friends occupied the small room he and Baekhyun shared.

Sleep didn’t arrive, though. He felt his heartbeat rising and forced himself to take a few slow and deep inhales of air.

It was going to be okay. He practiced the words in his mind one more time. He brought out the blue little velvet box from inside his coat pocket and stared at it. He could do this. It was going to be fine.

 

*

 

Their place was chaos. Apparently, someone dropped the cake and _no, it was not Jongdae-hyung, alright, stop whining._ Minseok and Kyungsoo were missing in action outside, venturing into the nearby alleys, trying to find a replacement for the black-forest sponge cake currently lying on the floor.

The party in charge of keeping Baekhyun busy could be back any moment and Chanyeol didn’t know whether to pull out his hair in vexation or laugh because the whole situation was _so_ typical of them.

 Minseok tried his best cleaning the carpet but Chanyeol knew they’d have a brown stain there for a long, long time. He made quick work of mopping up the mess.

Sehun and Jongin didn’t offer to help and were busy making out in the kitchen, also quite typical.

 

*

 

 

The four of them gathered in the living room when there was about half an hour left to twelve. Chanyeol and Minseok were busy on their phones and Seehun and Jongin, true to their reputation, kept staring at each other.

Just when Chanyeol had given up hope and resigned himself to the fact that there wouldn’t be any cake, Kyungsoo and Minseok rang the bell thrice, their code for when it was someone other than Baekhyun at the door.

They hurried inside and unwrapped the blueberry cheesecake they had managed to find on the living room table.

‘We literally saw them from afar. It’s a blessing they didn’t spot us. They’ll be here in-‘

The bell ringed once and Sehun switched off the living room lights immediately. Chanyeol ran to open the door, trying hard to act casual and unbothered.

‘Oh, you’re back!’ He said with a smile, looking at Baekhyun surrounded by all their friends. He pulled him in for a hug. Over his shoulder, Chanyeol grinned at Yixing-hyung and the rest. Luhan motioned at his watch that read there were only three minutes left.

He released Baekhyun who was laughing and ushered them all in. As soon as they had locked the door and made it to the living room, Sehun turned on the lights again and they all screamed a loud ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BYUN BAEKHYUN!’, the youngers adding ‘-hyung’ at the end.

‘Oh my god!’ Baekhyun exclaimed, ‘You guys are crazy!’

They all headed over with the newly-procured cake to the dining table, not adequate for twelve people; the reason why some of them were sitting on the floor.

 

Baekhyun laughed a great deal and started blushing red when they all started singing Happy Birthday. It was a mystery how any dorm authority hadn’t scolded them yet but since Chanyeol wanted to avoid putting any unnecessary dampers on the happy celebration, he told everyone to quieten up.

Baekhyun cut the cake in relative silence and turned toward Chanyeol, holding a piece. His eyes shone bright and Chanyeol felt _so_ warm inside.

The group ‘aww’-d and ‘ooh’-d as he fed Chanyeol the slice and then laughed as  each of them got fed by Baekhyun too.

Jongin and Xitao brought out some snacks and soda from the kitchen and they jumped on them like a pack of hungry, rabid wolves.

‘For God’s sake, Jongdae, I picked that up first, why don’t you eat Minseok-hyung’s ass instead?’

‘ _Hey_ , leave my ass out of this!’

 

*

 

 

Soon they were gathered in the living room again to hand over their presents to Baekhyun who was still smiling widely.

‘Thank you guys so much. Who planned this, though?’ he said, eyeing the group curiously.

‘It was all your boyfriend, thank him. Look, he even decorated the place by himself!’ Minseok bustled, pointing at the various paper garlands Chanyeol had put up around the apartment.

‘Ah no, no. It was all of us.’ An embarrassed Chanyeol muttered shyly.

‘Don’t believe him, hyung; he arranged everything, we just followed his instructions.’ Sehun piped up enthusiastically.

‘Thank you all. And thank you.’ he spoke the last part in Chanyeol’s ear, making him blush and the group exchange sly smiles.

‘So shall we leave the happy couple to themselves now?’ Junmyeon–hyung asked after a while of talking and joking around. Their friends agreed and commenced leaving in pairs of two and threes to their respective dorms after wishing Baekhyun a happy birthday one more time, till only the two roommates were left in the flat.

‘So…’ Chanyeol started.

‘Yes?’ Baekhyun packed up the leftover cake (yes, it was _that_ big a cake) and went over to store it in the fridge.

‘I wanted to-I mean- J-just. Um, I just wanted to give this to you. Happy birthday.’ he shoved the box in Baekhyun’s hands and looked anywhere but at him.

Seconds went by in the digital clock they kept above the mantelpiece.

‘Chanyeol…’ he trailed off.

Chanyeol turned to face him upon hearing his name. Baekhyun had in his hand the simple silver band he had chosen.

He cleared his throat.

‘It’s not an engagement ring. We’re too young for that, aren’t we?’ he laughed shakily, voice quivering. ‘But it’s a promise ring. I… I want to be with you for a long time.’

He didn’t elaborate further nor did he have the time to because Baekhyun was in front of him in a flash, pressing their lips together and then smiling into the kiss.

They parted after a while and Baekhyun was wrapping his arms around him, holding him as close to himself as he could. ‘Me too, Chanyeol-ah. Me too.’

This time it was Chanyeol who was kissing him and they stayed that way till Baekhyun’s phone started going off with the birthday wishes.

Finally, when Baekhyun was done answering the phone calls and messages and was lying on the bed wrapped up in warm arms and blankets, he heard Chanyeol whisper a soft ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ A kiss to the forehead.

Chanyeol wanted to cherish the moment forever, wanted to be consumed by the warm feeling in his chest, wanted to be _with him_ for life.

He didn’t remember when he drifted off of consciousness but one thing was for sure: he slept peacefully that night. There were no anxious thoughts, no wishful thinking, no unsettling scenarios.

He wanted the night to last forever.

 

*

 

They were 18 when they met.

 

It was such a stupid story too. They got assigned as roommates and couldn’t stand each other for more than five minutes at a time. Thing was, Chanyeol wanted to room with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun with Yixing but of course, it didn’t end up that way.

 

They were stuck with each other and now that Chanyeol pondered over it, they had gotten together just for the sake of trying it out. Neither of them had ever had a serious relationship and their first kisses and touches were just just that; testing the waters.

Little did they know that this same relationship would last more than three years and they hadn’t the slightest clue at that time that they would grow to _love_ each other.

 

Chanyeol wondered what would’ve happened if they’d never met. Would he be cradling someone else in his arms last night? Or no one at all?

Chanyeol pondered over a lot of things these days. He stared at the random Tumblr aesthetic post he had scrolled down to on his phone.

_‘Nothing lasts forever.’_

No, he was _not_ getting sentimental over a Taylor Swift song edit. He switched off his phone. It had started raining again. He stared at the windows, the watery light illuminating his bed and then it all got too much. He felt sick, felt like crying, like laughing at what he had become.

When had he gotten so scared? When had he gotten so brittle? When had he become _this_ , a vulnerable mess?

Chanyeol knew all of it would be gone the moment Baekhyun returned from his part-time job at the library. He would smile, make him coffee, kiss him, hold him.

He would be happy.

Baekhyun made him happy. He would forget about every bad thing. He would laugh, he would crack jokes, and he would hug Baekhyun. But all that made it even worse.

He grew even more scared. Scared that one day, he’d desert him and then Chanyeol would have no color to his life. Scared that he would break his heart. Scared that he’d be alone.

The tears this time didn’t stop till the bell rang.

 

*

_two weeks later_

 

They were sitting on the bed, Chanyeol writing a psychology paper on due the next day and Baekhyun an English essay.

‘Are you done?’

‘Nope, I’ve got the autism spectrum disorder thesis still left, how are you faring up?’

‘Shakespeare’s easy.’

‘Only when you’ve read ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ like, twelve times now?’

‘Hey, it’s good.’ Baekhyun suddenly jammed his finger on the backspace key for a long time.

‘What did you mess up?’

‘Just wrote “Park Chanyeol was one of the most handsome men in the empire.” Accidentally. As much as _I_ do, my professor won’t appreciate that.’

‘When did you become so extra?’ Chanyeol laughs.

‘I don’t know, it’s because of you though.’

‘ _What?_ ’

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

‘Take that back, Byun Baekhyun. I am _so_ not _extra._ ’

‘Yeah, as if.’

‘Take it back.’

‘No.’

Chanyeol proceeded to tickle Baekhyun then, and after a lot of wild struggling, they collapsed on the bed, the papers strewn aside.

‘Get off me, I need to complete the essay!’ Baekhyun was laughing loudly as he yelled the words.

‘No.’

They rested there for a while in peace till Baekhyun resumed the tickling and Chanyeol raised up his arms in surrender.

‘Alright, alright.’

Baekhyun smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.

‘You always lose to me.’

Chanyeol mused later about the stark truth held in that statement.

 

*

 

He was having a bad time again.

No matter how many nights Baekhyun was secure in his arms, no matter how many kisses they traded each day, no matter how much love they shared, the fear overpowered it all.

The nightmares were back too; there had been many nights when Chanyeol left their bed and a sleeping Baekhyun to go the balcony or sneak outside into the park.

The biting cold air cleared his mind away from the dreams that he despised: Baekhyun leaving him.

He was unsure how long this had been going on. Last month, Baekhyun’s birthday had been pretty recent. He remembered the trouble sleeping. The month before that too, he had been really anxious about things after a trivial argument between them.

If Chanyeol was going to be honest with himself, he knew these unsettling moments had been there from the very start of their relationship, like a persistent shadow. He had never once mentioned anything to Baekhyun, thinking he would seem selfish telling Baekhyun how he was scared of losing him.

But it was so, so bad now.

He had gotten pretty well at hiding whatever this was. But now that was breaking, the façade he put up was shattering and there was nothing he could think of. He had a feeling Baekhyun was beginning to notice his unhappiness and felt guilty because he didn’t want to burden him with his silly fears.

The last straw was today.

Chanyeol was never good at fighting with Baekhyun; he loved him too much to ignore him for more than a couple of days. The argument wasn’t even anything important, just a mundane morning discussion about something turning too heated when Baekhyun let slip something.

‘Honestly, what will you be without me?’ his tone was exasperated and impatient as he explained something Chanyeol didn’t hear.

Chanyeol didn’t say anything, just left the room to arrive at his economics class half an hour early. He didn’t come home till it was very late that day, spending his time in shopping malls and retail stores and ignoring every single one of the 55 messages and phone calls by Baekhyun.

When he finally unlocked the door at 2AM, he was greeted with the sight of Baekhyun passed out from exhaustion on the dining table. It sent an awful pang in his heart to see him like this. Baekhyun was clutching his right hand with his other one, his fingers tight around the ring on his finger.

Chanyeol quietly let himself in and covered Baekhyun with a light blanket, placing a pillow under his head. Thankfully, he didn’t stir in his sleep.

He then crashed on the sofa instead of going into their room. He hardly had gotten an hour of sleep when it all got too much to bear.

It was _so_ rash and so, so impulsive.

Through his raging tears, Chanyeol quickly packed a duffel bag with a change of clothes and tore a paper from his large notebook.

He had some time before sunrise so he tried to put into words as best he could what he was doing.

He left the note on the table, allowed himself a last wistful glance at the house and at Baekhyun, and then, slinging his book bag and the duffel over his shoulder, he was out the door before he could think what he was doing and out the building before he could stop himself.

 

*

_baekhyun_

 

He didn’t even know when things started going south. All he knew was that a couple of weeks ago, everything was okay. They were happy, they were content and they were normal. Or at least, _Baekhyun_ was.

Why did he have to argue with Chanyeol? Why did he say those words he didn’t mean, _could_ never mean?

Now here he was holding the note- a torn paper from Chanyeol’s favorite spiral notebook- and trying to comprehend the words written on it.

The handwriting was messy, a contrast from his usual perfect letters. It was smudged at a place; the black ink staining the paper. Baekhyun blinked a few times as the meaning _really_ sunk in.

 

_Dear Baekhyun,_

_I have been meaning to say this for a while. If you think it is because of that stupid argument yesterday, it is not. I know you didn’t mean anything saying those things and neither did I._

_No, this is something that has been going on in my head for a long time. It was really hard to talk about so I never did. ~~I just~~ Why is writing this so hard? _

_I love you. You know that. I_ really _do._

_But I’ve been thinking that not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to._

_You were my that_ _‘someone’. You always will be._

 _The truth is I have, well, issues. I am scared we’ll not end up forever and I know it sounds selfish but I don’t think I can survive that. So_ I’m _leaving. I’ll live with Jongin and Sehun for a while. Please don’t worry about me. I think it will be beneficial if we both take a break from each other. I’m sorry if I hurt you._

_I’m hoping you understand me. I’ll take the rest of my stuff back tomorrow and then I’ll return the key to you._

_Thank you for all the memories._

_Thank you so much._

_I love you._

_\- Chanyeol_

Baekhyun didn’t know when his head hit the wall or his knees the floor. He didn’t know when he started crying, didn’t know when the seconds stretched into minutes which stretched into hours.

 

*

 

After a long time, he eventually got up. He didn’t realize he had missed his classes. His eyes were still threatening to spill any moment but he picked up the keys of the flat as he left it.

He was in his pyjamas but he didn’t care; he ran the four blocks over to Sehun and Jongin’s shared apartment and rang the bell.

It must’ve been like, five in the morning but Jongin opened the door after a few more rings.

‘Good m-aaw’ he cut himself off by yawning, ‘m-morning, hyung. You’re up early.’

Baekhyun didn’t bother with the niceties.

‘Where is he?’

‘Who’s ther- oh, Baekhyun hyung!’ Sehun came up behind Jongin.

‘I swear to fucking God if you don’t let me in right now-‘

‘ _Okay_ , easy, hyung.’ They made way to let Baekhyun in.

‘Where is he?’ he repeated.

Jongin hesitated as if he was going to hold back the information but then, thinking better of it, pointed at the room beside the kitchen.

‘Um, we’re heading out early, actually, right Hunnie?’ he motioned at the door and gathered their backpacks like a flash of lightning.

Sehun nodded, ‘Yes, after I pull on a pair of- well no, who needs _pants_ in this weather! I completely won’t freeze to death, you idiot.’ he said after receiving a glare and a sharp and painful yank from his boyfriend.

‘Lock the door whe-if you leave, hyung!’ Jongin yelled over his shoulder.

They were out the door in seconds, Sehun’s grumbling still audible from afar.

Baekhyun immediately made for the room Jongin had gestured at and opened the latch. It was unlocked.

 Chanyeol was sleeping on the small bed in the corner. Baekhyun hesitated for a moment before shaking him awake.

Chanyeol held onto the blanket the same way he did every morning Baekhyun tried to wake him up and he had to hold back tears at the thought that might be the last time he ever did.

‘Wake up, Chanyeol.’

Baekhyun was about to repeat himself when Chanyeol stirred and then opened his eyes.

As soon as he spotted him, Chanyeol started in shock suddenly and woke up completely, sitting up on the bed.

‘Why are you here?’ the voice was muffled by sleep.

Baekhyun couldn’t help but wince at the words. _Of course_ , he’d be there. Why would he _not_ be, when his boyfriend had left their shared flat and asked him to break up for no apparent reason?

‘Are you kidding me? What does this mean?’ he pulled out the piece of paper, now smudged more places than one due to his tears.

Chanyeol averted his eyes and looked down.

‘It means we can’t be together anymore, hyung.’ his voice was muted.

‘But why? Why, Chanyeol? We love each other, don’t we?’ Baekhyun was crying again and Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to do anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/nctdesi)


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